The Body Keeps The Score - Bessel Van der Kolk

A Meditation Series

Understanding Trauma's Impact on Relationships

The first few chapters introduce the concept of trauma as a deeply pervasive force that affects both the brain and body. Dr. van der Kolk explains how traumatic experiences—especially those from childhood—leave lasting imprints on the nervous system, creating a "fight, flight, or freeze" response that can persist long after the threat has passed. Using case studies and his experiences in psychiatry, he explores how trauma disrupts normal brain functioning, particularly the balance between the rational, emotional, and survival-focused parts of the brain. Traumatised individuals often struggle to regulate emotions, maintain healthy relationships, and feel safe in their own bodies.

We’re now exploring part three of the books and learning how the challenging events in our childhood can disrupt an individual's ability to connect and trust others. It creates challenges in forming healthy relationships due to feelings of fear, alienation, and hypervigilance. We may, or we may have people in our lives, who may unconsciously replicate harmful dynamics from their past in their relationships, perpetuating cycles of dysfunction.

Attachment and Healing

The book highlights how healing from trauma is possible by understanding how it is stored in the body. Even when the conscious brain represses or distorts traumatic memories, the body retains them, offering an opportunity to access and process these experiences through physical sensations, mindfulness, and somatic practices. This central idea—that the body "keeps score"—encourages us to listen to our physiological patterns, stress responses, and chronic conditions as valuable clues for recovery and growth. Dr. van der Kolk also explores the distinction between explicit and implicit memory, revealing how trauma can be addressed through innovative approaches beyond traditional talk therapy, such as body-based healing.

Secure attachments, particularly in early life, serve as a powerful foundation for building emotional regulation and resilience. When trauma disrupts attachment systems, it can create challenges in relationships. However, the same attachment principles can be harnessed in adulthood to rebuild trust, foster healthy connections, and cultivate a secure sense of self. This process offers a path toward emotional healing and greater well-being.

The Importance of Safety, Connection, and Self-Compassion

Healing from the challenging events in our lives is deeply rooted in cultivating love, safety, and supportive relationships, which foster a sense of belonging and security essential for recovery. It is pivotal that we keep company with people who model healthy attachment through attunement, empathy, and non-judgmental support so that we rebuild trust and develop resilience, this is where therapy plays a vital role. Equally important is reconnecting with oneself—reclaiming agency over one’s life by nurturing a compassionate relationship with one’s emotions, body, and identity. Practices like self-compassion meditation encourage healing by promoting kindness toward oneself, reducing shame, and fostering inner safety. Together, these elements create a holistic path to overcoming trauma and reclaiming well-being.

You are the Expert in You.

I am not assuming you have experienced severe trauma, but I know each one of us suffers and struggles and has experienced hardships and challenges. We know that life is inherently unsatisfying and that our drive to move beyond this is an important part of our survival. One of the keys to living a contented life is to be grounded in the present moment.

I am leading the sessions from a perspective of trauma to keep the space as safe for everyone as I can.

There’s no right or wrong way of doing these practices. We’re learning to take great care of ourselves.

Be interested, and curious and as best you can bring a non-judgemental approach to your experiences

We’re learning to observe our habits and tendencies. To live life well. To be content and fulfilled.